There are a few things that have happened since we turned the corner and started this journey of trying to adopt. Some good, some bad, but all in all a lot more good. The thing that I think has hit me the most is the process of grieving I didn’t really anticipate.
And I need to grieve.
While I am bursting with excitement to take home a sweet bundle all our own, there is also a part of me that has to let go. And it is all around my body. And if you have been around here long enough, you know that my body and I have had our fair share of ups and downs. And I wish I could say otherwise, but the feelings I have had more recently are more on the down side.
You see, in order for us to move forward, I have to let go and grieve the fact that my body will not be a home, a home for a baby–the one thing I dreamed of my entire life. I know, I know, I have heard it so many times–
Once you get on the adoption list, you will probably get pregnant;
Just wait, my friend started the adoption process and, BOOM, pregnant;
It could still happen for you guys you know, you guys could still end up pregnant!
Please, please, PLEASE I beg of you, if anyone you know is in the process of adopting, PLEASE don’t say these things. Sure, it could happen, they or we could get pregnant, but putting these false hopes in our minds only delays our ability to process the grief that it is likely not to happen.
And that is where my body comes in. I have been grieving the loss of the chance to birth a baby–physically. I am grieving the fact that I won’t get to feel the first kick, I won’t get to hear the first heartbeat, I won’t get to watch my belly swell and grow and snap pictures every week–all of the things that come with pregnancy, I have to let go. And this has caused some anger towards my body these past few weeks, and even a bit of anger towards others for getting all of these things.
And I know, deep down, it’s a process.
But at the end of this cycle, once I have fully let go, is a place of beauty, a place of joy and hope, because even though I will never get to experience all of those things I will still be able to experience my one true joy: our baby. Somewhere out there, there is a baby for us. And he or she will be the most loved child that ever lived. And I will get to experience that first smile, first laugh, first steps. I will get to smell that freshly washed baby skin. I will get to rock my angel to bed, night after night. I will be in absolute heaven, and I am closer to this than I have been in my whole life.
So while my body may not be on my good side in a sense lately, this process will only get me to the right side. And so I grieve. And I grieve so that I will be able to move on and move forward to the hope that is right at our fingertips.
Chia pudding. Some love it, some hate it. I happen to like it. It’s a texture thing for some, but others love the texture. I found that popping the pudding into the blender before chilling makes it nice and smooth for those not interested in seeded pudding.
My very favorite candy ever growing up was Almond Joys. I was ahead of my time I guess or it may be because I knew my dad was going to take so many of our Reese Cups that I decided to find another favorite. And this chia pudding is the same flavor as my favorite candy! Chia seeds are one of those famed super foods you hear so much about these days and super it is! Packed with protein and fiber and so much more.
This makes for a snack or a good breakfast–really any time you like!
- 2 1/2 c unsweetened almond milk or milk of choice
- 1/2 c chia seeds if you like your pudding thick, add another tablespoon
- 1/4 c plus 1 T cacao powder
- 1/2 c shredded coconut unsweetened
- 1/4 c pure maple syrup
- 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
- 1/4 tsp almond extract optional
- mini chocolate chips and almonds for garnish optional
- In a medium mixing bowl, combine chia seeds and milk.
- Whisk very well to make sure that chia seeds do not clump.
- Stir in all other ingredients.
- Chill for about 4 hours before serving.
- You can serve by adding 1/2 a serving, a layer of coconut and the rest of a serving as shown in photos!